Expatriation: We’ve Arrived - What Do I DO Now? Seven Steps to Transition, Adaptation and Beyond

If you have recently arrived in your new location, the last few months have probably been hectic and emotionally charged time for you and your family.

During the first few weeks and months there will probably have been a sense of excitement even euphoria as you investigated your new home and environment, often referred to as the honeymoon phase of relocation. For many people this phase does not last forever and can turn to a period characterized by frustration and discomfort. You, and other family members may have felt a mixture of emotions such as anger or frustration at the complications of your new environment, discomfort or incompetence as you attempted to manage everyday tasks in a new language and culture. Fortunately this stage is normally relatively short lived and is all a normal part of the process of adjustment and adaptation to your new life abroad.

One aspect of the new life that helps people to work through this stage is the involvement in their new lives; for children this may be school, perhaps sporting activities, and for the working partner the purpose that their new work role gives.

But what about you?

Whilst your partner and children have access to new support structures and work activities, you may have left all of yours behind; your career, your friends and family and your community involvement. It is not unusual for the accompanying partner to feel that they are living on the margins of everyone else’s lives, even feeling a sense of growing isolation. The career break that looked so enticing a few short months ago may now feel like it has simply created an empty void in your life. You may miss the office chatter and banter, the work, sense of purpose and contribution it gave to your life.

At the same time you feel a sense of unease even guilt at feeling this way, after all life is good. You live in a nice home, you live comfortably, everyone else in the family seems happy and to be settling in well, and you are fortunate to be experiencing life in a new country and culture.

If this is how you are feeling several months into your assignment experience, know that you are not alone.

Many accompanying partners in locations all around the world have reported feeling like this as the quotes below demonstrate. Whilst they recognize the opportunities and advantages that international relocation brings to them, they question how they will be able to re-create their own personal sense of fulfillment.

“The meeting of new culture, people, country ... etc. It broadens a person's horizon. While I indicated that am fulfilled I am relatively new to this situation and do know that in a short time I will need something more fulfilling.”

“I involved myself in activities like choir and orchestra as a social activity and also to start learning the language. New culture and environment is rewarding at times but personal fulfilment takes a beating.”

Taken from A Report: Career Choice and the Accompanying Partner (2012)

So the question is, what will bring a sense of fulfilment to you?

If you are feeling a sense of isolation and lack of direction it is important to start to take some concerted steps now to create your fulfilled life abroad.

Here are seven steps to get you on your way:

1.    Identify what is important to you and how you would like to plan your life to ensure you are honoring those things; these may be; family, health, social life, career, personal development and any other area that you believe is important to you.

2.    Identify the activities that would give you a sense of purpose and fulfilment, and look for opportunities to do these locally or perhaps online.

3.    Consider what contribution you would like to make?  Often it is wanting to make a contribution and feeling that you are not doing so that gives you a sense of being unfulfilled.

Do you want your contribution to be career related? Or would Voluntary positions give you a sense of involvement and contribution? If you are living somewhere where it is difficult to get permission to work then think about what voluntary work is available that is relevant to your career or personal development interests and goals.

4.    If career is important to you, research the career options that are available to you locally. Start to build a local network of relevant connections. And if there is nothing that grabs you locally, what about something that you can do remotely. The internet has opened up a world of exciting possibilities in this respect.

5.    If career is difficult in your current location consider taking up further study or re-training. There are many online study options and so as long as you have an internet connection you should be able to find an online course that suits you.

6.    Consider finding a life coach or someone who could help and support you as you move your life in a new direction. This is one way to reduce the stress and isolation that can accompany a relocation to a new country.

7.    Be prepared to break out of you comfort zone, it may seem like a mammoth task to get out and start talking to people about your career or interests BUT it is normally far worse in our imagination than in reality.

I hope this article has given you some useful ideas about how to break out and start to invigorate your life with activities that will help you to regain your sense of purpose and direction in life.

Take a fresh look at your life. Decide what you would like to see more of in your life and then go and find it. Find other like-minded accompanying partners and create a support network to share your goals and meet regularly to provide mutual motivation and ideas.

If this article has hit a chord with you, why not consider joining our THRIVE program with its’ built in support community of Accompanying Partners from around the world.  Click here for more details.